What’s Eating Barbara’s Bush?
Election time is coming up and it’s time to give the magic 8-ball a better shake this time around. Bush is the worst fucking President that we’ve ever had. I don’t care if you are a democrat or a republican; he is hands down the worst President. And the proof that he’s the worst President is that nobody has tried to kill him yet. Any President that has ever been worth a fuck in this country has been shot at, been shot, been killed! Kennedy, Lincoln, McKinley, Garfield….all shot and killed. Reagan & Teddy Roosevelt both shot! Carter, Truman, FDR, Ford, even Richard Nixon TWICE were all shot at! Bill Clinton for fucksake…Bill Fucking Clinton…a guy went running by the White House at night and just started randomly firing at it. The only thing that happened to George Bush is some guy got frustrated with him and chucked a shoe at him! Let’s look at the Bush administrations:
Decreasing Economy, Inner City Violence, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Desert Storm, Jeffrey Dahmer, Boris Yeltsin, the Uni-Bomber, Rodney King, Taxes going up, War for oil, Tuberculosis, Bird flu, Mad Cow disease, Snipers in VA, Shootings in the schools, Deadly Hurricanes, Devasting Earthquakes, Tragic Tsunamis, Anthrax in the mail, Gas Prices, 9/11, Madrid Train, London Bombings, Unemployment, Vaccine shortage, and the Boston Red Sox…..Anybody else feel fuckin’ relieved that Bush Jr. doesn’t have a SON! Between Bush Sr. and Bush Jr. that coalition is driving this country into the ground. The only 2 notable laws these 2 ever passed were the American’s With Disabilities Act and the No Child Left Behind Act….One act protects the handicapped and the other protects the Educationally Challenged…Ironically enough the Bush’s are BOTH of these things!
The Bush Administrations are just a little too ironic for me. When you think back on both Bush Sr. and Bush Jr. it just seems to me that Bush Jr. is trying to finish a job that his dad started 16 years ago. Let’s look at the similarities in Bush Sr.’s days and Bush Jr.’s days: Bush Sr. got us involved in a war with Panama after one of our soldiers got killed and THEN out of nowhere we were involved in a war with Iraq, Bush Jr. got us involved in a war with Afghanistan after they attacked us and THEN out of nowhere we are involved in a war with Iraq! Hurricane Andrew hit in the early 90’s and caused one of the worst devastations of any hurricane ever in US history, until the only hurricane in US history that was worse than Andrew…Hurricane Katrina outdoing it’s predecessor! Bush Sr. captured Manuel Noriega the leader of Panama, Bush Jr. captured Saddam Hussein the leader of Iraq. A huge oil spill on the Alaskan coast in March of ’89, a huge oil spill on the Alaskan coast in December of ’04! We spent more time investigating the oil spills than we did the Michael Jackson slight of hand accusations….who by the way was accused of molesting a 13 year old during Bush Sr. AND Bush Jr.’s time in office! The flu epidemics, unemployment at an all time high, the Lakers just got done winning back to back championships during both administrations! Jeffrey Dahmer was finally caught during Bush Sr.’s reign after 10 years of being on the prowl! The BTK was finally caught during Bush Jr.’s reign after 20 years of being on the prowl. A massive earthquake shook Candlestick Park in San Francisco in ’89, a massive earthquake shook Parkfield, California in ’04 rumbling the nearby sports stadium. And not to finally out-do each other you know what else the Bush’s are famous for during their administrations, the big news stories of our leaders who we look up to! Bush Sr. threw up on the Prime Minister of Japan and Bush Jr. choked on a fuckin’ pretzel! Time for a new leader! And they took that personally, so YOU KNOW what’s next…“The War on Food” on CNN! I’m not a Democrat, I’m not a Republican, I’m a Bushiest! I don’t believe!
And I’m not saying I’m in favor of the war and I’m not saying I’m against the war…you know what I’m in favor of?…NOT DYING! Cause you know the old saying…whatever doesn’t kill you…lets you LIVE LONGER! But I’m definitely not in favor of this new capture the flag game we have going on with the war right now. These are human’s lives and we are trading them back and forth like they’re baseball cards. It’s like the US and the Terrorists are on the corner going “I’ll give you 2 Rafiki Atta’s for a Jason Belstein and a stale stick of gum! These are human lives! And if there is a point to the war, let’s find it quickly. I’m tired of turning on the news to see pictures of 18 naked Arabs buttfucking each other in a pyramid. Fuck that, this is America, the country that invented the vibrating toothbrush and flavored lubricant…SURELY we could find a more creative way to embarrass a bunch of people!