Going Green

Everywhere you look in this country now people are “Going Green”. We have to “Save the Planet”. In my apartment complex the other day they slipped a flyer under everyone’s door reminding them to “Go Green” & make smart use of the heat/air conditioning. Really??? This has to do with “Going Green”? It couldn’t possibly be that the heat & air are included in our rent so the building foots the bill if we overuse them? Well, fuck the building! I’m getting back at them for this overpriced shit-pit. “Go Green” – fuck you! I’m pumping A/C with the doors open in the middle of February! I’m going blue, how about that!!! If you’re that concerned about “Going Green” then maybe you shouldn’t be dropping off PAPER flyers to 300 apartments.

Do we really believe that we are going to “Save the Planet”? Here, wear a wristband that says “Save the Planet”. Sure we had to kill thousands of plants to mass produce all this rubber – but it’ll remind you to be more environmentally conscious! This is the only country that’ll request you reuse your bags at the supermarket while putting all their employee’s paychecks into a new paper envelope each week.

“Go Green” – let’s celebrate Earth Day! How ironic, I wouldn’t even know it was Earth day if it weren’t for my PAPER Calendar! I remember as a kid in school they’d give you a tree to plant during Earth Week on Arbor Day. Do you know how many times I got drunk and have pissed on that tree since? Don’t be mad at me, I reused the same cup all night at that kegger! I drank tequila till I turned red and threw up until I turned green – I’m getting the hang of it!

Don’t use Aerosol Cans as they are bad for the environment! Funny that the chemicals breaking down the O-Zone were used in Aerosol cans for over 70 years before we made a move to phase them out. Why didn’t these geniuses research this shit when it was first invented? Because it doesn’t mean anything! You can’t be serious that my hairspray is polluting the air and not the nuclear bombs that we tested on US soil. Apparently that radiation has no side-effects. There are people in New Mexico born with four dicks and a tail but it must be my Aqua Net!

We need to keep Aerosol Cans & Calendars & Paper Flyers & Air Conditioners because all these products are tied to manufacturing, producing, retail, and resale which employ’s jobs in this country! I realize “Save the Earth” is a bigger idea than just the United States, but let’s take some fucking self-interest and go from there. We need jobs first before we worry about saving the planet! A strong planet and poor people is like a boxer with two broken hands, all that strength doesn’t mean shit. This planet has been around longer than us and we need to trust that it’s going to be self-sufficient and self-healing. We need to worry more about the economy! Maybe if every second product sold in this country didn’t say “Made in China” we’d have more money invested here and a stimulated economy! It’s time to put a few bucks back into this country to help increase our standard of living. We’d all have a chance at a healthier life if we were all able to put a hand in our pocket and feel a few Benjamin’s floating around in there. I’d consider THAT “Going Green”!