Do You Wanna Take My Picture?

Next up on the shit list are people that ask strangers to take pictures of them and their friends. What used to be a once-in-a-while nice gesture has turned into a demanding egotistical daily dependence. You know the scenario: you’re in a line, waiting to get in some place, pissed off that you have to wait in line to begin with…when all of a sudden out comes four whores and two stumbling boners laughing and giggling. They look at you and ask with a loud, drunken slur “CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF US???” Now you’re stuck at a crossroad because if you say “yes” you will get sucked into them teaching you how to use a camera. Thanks for the technology lesson Mensa; now get over there and pose you drunken hooch. Then this group of wobbly waste can’t seem to get their shit together while trying to pose and asks you to take 3-4 pictures. However, if you say “no” you risk having to talk to these idiots longer and explain your reasoning while essentially cock-blocking yourself from whoever is watching this unfold in line with you.

Whatever happened to the old days of taking your own pictures? Remember when you would get your film developed and you didn’t know what the picture was going to look like until you got it? It was a crapshoot at that point. You’d get them developed and see that in your ONE picture in front of the Eiffel Tower some asshole gave you bunny ears and now THAT”S your memory in the scrapbook for the rest of your life. It really doesn’t make any sense! Days when we had cheap, disposable, $5 cameras we took less pictures and every picture had a family member or a friend missing because they were the ones taking the picture! Now, we have digital cameras that cost hundreds of dollars and we trust strangers to hold our cameras and take multiple pictures, which drains the battery and burns out the lens quicker! Do we really need 18 different pictures of the same exact shit? And now that we can take hundreds of pictures as opposed to the old days of 24 pictures MAX, we take pictures of every piece of shit out there…LITERALLY…I’ve seen a website called ratemypoo.com where people actually take a picture of their shit and post it on the internet for others to rate if it was a good one!

I long for the days that you developed the film and realized Mark didn’t have a head because your thumb got in the way. If you really want to do your part, going forward, each and every time that you take a picture for someone else…stick your middle finger right in front of it at the last second and say “fuck you, it’s not your wedding, I’m not your photographer, I don’t work for free and you’re too ugly to capture at this moment anyway…when you wake up and look in the mirror tomorrow you’ll be thanking me for cutting off your head in this picture tonight!